Some Hidden Benefits of the Bridal Shower

In addition to congratulations, good wishes, laughter and gifts, the bridal shower is an opportunity for the bride to benefit from collective feminine wisdom . At the shower for my daughter, generations were well represented by the bride’s mother, sister, niece and aunt, several peers, family friends and three little girls. I particularly liked the cards, collected in a recipe box, on which guests wrote favorite recipes, date night suggestions and hard-won tips about marriage. I can assure you that none of the recipes were elaborate, and as for marriage tips I contributed, “Always wear comfortable shoes.”

It was a time to shower our bride with love and small luxuries before her big day. The gifts were fun and thoughtful, the favors were pretty. But on reflection, this three-hour event provided other subtle benefits.

1. It was a mini wedding. Similar to the theater of a wedding, the shower has costumes, props, prescribed activities. In this sort of rehearsal, hosts and guests could meet and play without the solemnity of the wedding, and experience how awful shapewear feels. The best symbol of this was the making of the paper-plate-and-ribbon confection known as the rehearsal bouquet. The rehearsal bouquet would not exist but for the gift wrappings of the shower, evidence that women came together to celebrate and support the bride-to-be.
2. Forming a new tribe. While friends joyfully caught up with each other, strangers become acquaintances and collaborators. They will see each other soon at the wedding and hopefully will rise from their reception seats to meet each other and chat.
3. Surprising and intangible gifts. Bridesmaids and shower hosts got to exercise their secret talents. One may be a project management powerhouse, while another becomes the chauffeur and gift secretary extraordinaire. The shower hosts got to practice setting things up as well as possible, then letting go completely – and the wisdom (date night suggestions, recipes) and humor (games, kids, blingy underthings) that arose were unique to the group. I came away feeling that the prevailing spirit of the event was generosity on many levels. A good way to prepare for a wedding.