Lisa Francesca
  • Home
  • The Wedding Officiant's Guide
  • Helen & the Masters
  • Lisa Francesca's Blog

Thoughts about weddings, writing, and the world

Books to Read Before You Marry, Part 1

12/9/2014

 
I don’t regret a single moment from my first marriage, which lasted nearly thirteen years. I'm especially grateful for the gift of my daughter from that union. But the marriage we built was riddled with assumptions and problems, and when it was tested, it collapsed in a terribly painful way.

I never expected to fall in love again, but I did. This time, I resolved to do my part differently from the start.

The first marriage’s courtship and engagement period: six weeks. Lots of great conversations in bars, large parties with friends, and many joints shared on the benches in North Beach’s Washington Square.

The second courtship took two years, then an engagement of six months. I was sober. We, too, had great conversations together while walking, in cafes, going on adventures, doing stuff around the house. A friend mentioned a book that turned out to be a pre-wedding gem, because it got us actually talking about us, about stuff that would naturally come up the longer we lived together.

That book is Ten Great Dates Before You Say I Do (Zondervan, 2003). While the authors approached it with a distinctly Christian perspective, the information and process can be valuable to everyone. I’m recommending this book to you.

Many couples do premarital counseling. These talking dates are a way to dive into the same kinds of issues. My betrothed and I went out on ten Thursday night dates after separately doing a page or two of homework.

The homework helped us to sort out our expectations and differences. We talked about where we each came from, our talking style, the ways in which we showed love. (I’m really glad about that last one, because I know that his changing the oil in my car is pretty darned romantic, as is my folding his laundry.)

We talked about really awkward, difficult things like money issues and debts, and sex. We talked about how we’d try to solve problems together, and endure crises and old age together. How we’d handle the housework, our nearly grown children, and our different faiths. Our similar and sometimes very different ideas of fun vacations.

The ten years we’ve been married have slipped by so fast in an atmosphere of trust and enjoyment. Those Thursday dates had a lot to do with it.


Comments are closed.
    Picture

    Welcome!

    Here are some thoughts about weddings, writing, and the world. Enjoy.
    (Photo by Peggy Anderson)

    Categories

    All
    A Good Marriage
    Anxious
    Books For Marriage
    Bride
    Community
    Create Your Ceremony
    Cultures
    Dresses
    Eco Writing
    Fair Fight
    Food
    Helen And The Masters
    Interfaith
    Marriage License
    Meditation
    Props
    Readings For The Wedding
    Religions
    Resources For Writers
    Short Ceremony
    Social Media
    Spiritual Practices
    Summer Writing Colony
    The Officiant's Guide
    Useful Actions
    Wedding Mistakes
    Wedding Vows
    Witness
    Writing

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    July 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    July 2017
    March 2017
    June 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • The Wedding Officiant's Guide
  • Helen & the Masters
  • Lisa Francesca's Blog