Lisa Francesca
  • Home
  • The Wedding Officiant's Guide
  • Helen & the Masters
  • Lisa Francesca's Blog

Thoughts about weddings, writing, and the world

Not Just the Couple; You Are Marrying Families

2/3/2020

 
At one wedding in Saratoga during my first summer of officiating, I started out with significantly less confidence than usual. For one thing, I had put on a new white robe at the bride's request. This thick, polyester garment had puffy sleeves, each large enough to hold a toddler, rendering me less of an attractive judge-figure and more like the Pillsbury dough boy.

Also, the bride's parents had flown in from the Philippines, and she was the only one of their nine children who had chosen to get married in a restaurant instead of the Catholic church. Her groom was a Methodist computer programmer from the Midwest, and he had an eight-year old son. The bride's parents were polite when I was introduced as the officiant, but frosty, and clearly distressed.

I went to find my quiet spot which, since the guests were already streaming into  the restaurant, was the ladies' room. I rinsed my hands and gazed at my scared face in the mirror. Elaborate rituals lay ahead that I had only performed in my mind; there were more than twenty "aunties and uncles" to be named.

It was showtime. After a brother-in-law's several attempts, it appeared that the processional music would not issue from the CD player, so we proceeded anyway.

The bride appeared on her unsmiling father's arm, trembling and looking at the carpet. Once I saw her I ceased to care about the parents or my puffy robe or anything else but her comfort. She took her groom's hand, still trembling, and he gazed at her with palpable adoration. She must have sensed it, or perhaps heard the warmth in my voice as I spoke, because she stilled, raised her eyes, grew perceptibly taller and blossomed into a queen. The rituals proceeded smoothly: candles were lit, aunties and uncles ceremoniously bound and unbound the couple with lariats of white flowers, and we all listened quietly together as golden coins were poured from hand to hand.

"Promise never to take each other for granted," I told them using phrases my father had freely shared with me. "Remind yourselves often of what it was that drew you together. Take the time to make your partner feel special. . . a good marriage takes time and effort, courage and commitment." As they kissed, a sunbeam fell through the window. They were married. I gathered my witnesses' signatures and made my way to the door.

"Wait!" It was the bride's father, a statue of dignity and suppressed emotion. "I'll speak to you."

"Yes," I said, and we walked to the lobby. I faced him, wondering what would come next. Would this polite, stern gentleman frown and assure me that ours was not a valid wedding, performed outside of a church? He stood silent for a few moment, searching for something inside.

"When I come, I'm not sure about all this," he began, waving his hand to the crowded dining room behind us. I nodded; it must have been difficult to accept. "And the things you said, I did not ever hear those words before. Ever." I nodded again. "But," he paused, "I heard your words," and he put his hand on his chest, "and my heart. . . broke open." Then he smiled, and his eyes were wet. "My heart wept tears of joy."

He held out a warm hand and as I shook it, we beamed at each other. As he rejoined his family, I opened the door and slipped out into the sunny, quiet street.



Alison Dougherty
2/3/2020 04:57:33 pm

lovely

Lisa Francesca
2/4/2020 10:22:22 am

Thank you, Alison.

Teresa M
2/4/2020 05:33:26 am

What a beautiful story!

Lisa Francesca
2/4/2020 10:23:09 am

Thank you for those kind words, Teresa.


Comments are closed.
    Picture

    Welcome!

    Here are some thoughts about weddings, writing, and the world. Enjoy.
    (Photo by Peggy Anderson)

    Categories

    All
    A Good Marriage
    Anxious
    Books For Marriage
    Bride
    Community
    Create Your Ceremony
    Cultures
    Dresses
    Eco Writing
    Fair Fight
    Food
    Helen And The Masters
    Interfaith
    Marriage License
    Meditation
    Props
    Readings For The Wedding
    Religions
    Resources For Writers
    Short Ceremony
    Social Media
    Spiritual Practices
    Summer Writing Colony
    The Officiant's Guide
    Useful Actions
    Wedding Mistakes
    Wedding Vows
    Witness
    Writing

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    March 2021
    July 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    February 2019
    December 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    July 2017
    March 2017
    June 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • The Wedding Officiant's Guide
  • Helen & the Masters
  • Lisa Francesca's Blog